top of page
Search
Writer's pictureCJ Rhodes DMin

Grieving without Getting Stuck: Lessons from the Life of Jesus




On hearing of this, John’s disciples came and took his body and laid it in a tomb. The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So, they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. 

Mark 6:29–32, Common English Bible

 

 

The gospel of Mark provides a glimpse into Jesus’ humanity as he reacts to heinous murder of John the Baptist. Herod orchestrates the murder John the Baptist, Jesus’ big cousin, his partner and his friend. Herod, a representative of the Roman government, does not value John’s life and silences John’s voice.

 

John’s disciples prepare his body for burial and to bury him within the three-day requirement in accordance with Jewish custom. While Herodias is celebrating John’s murder, there are others, including Jesus, who are crushed that John is no longer with him.

 

Jesus does not take the news of John’s death very well, as he does not know a world without his cousin. I believe Jesus grieved the absence of John. I am all for having a good old fashion praise and worship experience during a funeral, but what I have discovered is many times celebrations provide excuses and masks for families and onlookers, who are uncomfortable with prolonged sounds of anguish. We are uncomfortable with the wailings and screams of mothers whose children are lying in coffins. We rush to quieten their screams. Sometimes, we just need a good old-snotty-nosed cry.

 

What does Jesus do after the death of John? Jesus chooses to be alone. He withdraws from the crowd and goes into a quiet place to be alone with his thoughts and feelings about John’s murder. Perhaps Jesus remembers growing up with John and playing with him near the Sea of Galilee. Perhaps Jesus is alone to escape hearing the religious folks say something like: “God needed another angel.” “God wants you to be strong.” “You’ll get through this fine.” No, I cannot phantom Jesus wanting to hear everything happens for a reason, and I know that Jesus does not want to hear the most famous of them all: “It was just their time to go.” NO, NO, NO! These clichés may make the consoler feel better but may leave the mourner with feelings of guilt for not being able to hold it together.

 

Jesus is hurt, and he knows that the only way to survive is to be in solitude with his Father. Withdrawing to spend time with God in a deserted place, Jesus models how to handle grief and how to navigate life without being stuck in grief. Sometimes we will need to just get alone with God as it is in these times that we are recharged spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. It is in the quiet spaces and places that we can hear God’s voice.

 

Even so, the hustle and bustle of life do not stop because we are grieving. There is always the next thing to do. People may let you grieve for a week or so, but they expect you to get over it quickly. That’s what happens to Jesus. The people follow him and scream, “Jesus, we know that your cousin just died, BUT…Jesus, we know that you wanted to be by yourself, BUT… Jesus, you’ve been alone long enough…YOU OUGHT TO BE FINISHED GRIEVING YOUR COUSIN. LIFE GOES ON!”

 

Jesus is weary. He wants to be alone, but the needs follow him. Jesus is filled with grief, yet he sees the needs of the people and his compassion overshadowed his grief. I believe Jesus uses the energy of his grief to fuel his commitment to still be loyal to his purpose of proclaiming the good news to the poor, liberating the oppressed, healing the sick, and opening blinded eyes.

 

There is no way Jesus, in his humanity, sees a need and not meet it. His response to his own grief is to heal the people and feed the 5,000 who are hungry for physical food as well as for hope and healing. It is common for people who are experiencing a loss to work through their grief by helping others. Often, we pour into the lives of hurting people to medicate our own pain. Yet, if we do not attend to our grief, it will eventually catch up with us.

 

So, it is with Jesus. John is dead and it is a perfect time to remember that John declares in John 3:30 that he would decrease as Christ increases. Since birth, Jesus walks in John’s shadow because John is the oldest. Typically, the oldest sibling or cousin is the first to do everything. The oldest is the first to date. The oldest is the first to graduate high school. The oldest is the first to move out of the house. John is the first born. He is the first to accept his call into the ministry. John is the first to have followers. He is the first to baptize and he is the first to die. Certainly, Jesus is grieving, but he knows his grief cannot paralyze him. There is more work to do.

 

Perhaps in Jesus’ humanity, he is thinking that John’s death is the end. However, in his divinity as the Son of God, Jesus knows that he must continue the work his Father sent him to do. Jesus teaches us that it is OK to grieve, but he also teaches us that we must continue living and working. The feeding of the 5,000 is Jesus’ first major deed following John’s death.

 

Perhaps, Jesus wants to teach the disciples that they must be willing to extend grace to others even when they find themselves under the pressures of life. Jesus is trying to prepare them to live constructive and productive lives after he is gone.

 

Death is constantly on my mind since becoming a hospice/palliative chaplain. I remember when my maternal grandmother died in 2015 at the age of 100. I remember thinking that a layer of protection is removed, and death is closer to me. As I see friends and classmates die, I think about my own mortality and what death would look like for me. Perhaps, John’s death puts Jesus’ own death in perspective. In Jesus’ humanity, he struggles with his own death. It is clear in the Garden of Gethsemane that Jesus is struggling and experiencing anticipatory grief.


How are we supposed to keep moving? How does one move on after hearing that a loved one has received a diagnosis and prognosis that suggest that he or she one has six months or less to live if the disease runs its normal course? How do you move on after losing the only source of income in your home? How do you move on after the loss of a spouse by death or divorce? What do you do after you have lifted holy engaged in praise breaks while standing at the coffin and cleared the fellowship hall of all food and people?

 

As we navigate pain and grief, may we remember that we have a Savior who understands our pain. Many people say they know what a mourner feels, but they really do not. However, Jesus does. As Jesus faces John’s death and his own death, he models for us how to grieve without getting stuck.

 

Rev. Dr.  Sherri L. Brown Jackson, a retired journalist having worked more than 20 years as a news reporter, editor, and publisher, currently works at the Southeast Louisiana Veterans Affairs Healthcare System as a Board-Certified Clinical Chaplain, with a specialty certification in Hospice and Palliative Care. She is the creator and curator of The PreacHERS Academy, and an author of four books with her latest book, “Evolving: 20 Years of Preaching & Passionately Disrupting Patriarchy.”

 

 

60 views0 comments

Comentários


bottom of page